thank god for alcohol
Didnt plan on getting drunk last night, but I did. It was a fun party, till it wasnt anymore.
I just had to get out and get away from the middle of it all. So i did. I walked out the door, and began running. I ran and stopped catching my breath and then breaking into large strides trying to run. trying to get away. trying not to get caught by the pain that ceaselessly chases me and isnt far behind.
Drink after drink and i just wanted to feel numb. Unfortunately that numbness only lasts for a night.
Couldnt feel my fingers or my toes. I know you just slapped my arm but i didnt feel it. Cant feel my teeth as i bite down and grind them. Im finally numb and the room was spinning
my memory is fuzzy and the numb feeling is gone, im brought back to my own personal place of condemnation.
I told you that I hate going home.
and you said “Me too”.
Now its the day after and i feel as shitty as ever. My behavior last night was the worst. I drink too much sometimes and then I get so sad. I was pretty bad last night. And now im disgusted with myself and I guess I understand why you hate me. If hate is too strong a word then maybe strongly dislike is better suited, but i feel like those words are too weak.
I guess I understand why you find it hard to look at me. Or speak to me. I guess it make sense that you don’t love me.
hmmph
thank god for alcohol
